hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
