Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
