drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
