ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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