omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
