i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
