And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
