ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
