I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
