Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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