I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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