I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize