and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
jump out the window naked night went bad
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
