I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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