i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
