you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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