My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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