this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
