i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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