I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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