my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
