Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
