i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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