i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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