People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
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Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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