i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
