eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
