so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
