Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
