So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
