i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
