i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
