That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Who died my cat blue again?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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