Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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