if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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