Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
