you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
