hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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