I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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