Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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