Umm I'm too high to move.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
