The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
