Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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