you have to choose: penises or morals?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
