Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
