She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
