So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
