I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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