This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
