yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
