i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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