just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
