If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
