U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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