So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
