Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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