took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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