dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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