i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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