Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
