im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
