A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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