Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
