Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
