Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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