Tell her she can't have a vagina
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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